the vastness of God.

If you stepped outside last night then you must have seen the Supermoon. It was kind of hard to miss. If you didn’t step outside, then you missed something beautiful and amazing! And you might not see the moon that bright again until 2034, resources say.

As I was looking at the moon last night (and the nights before), I couldn’t help but to think about how amazing our God is, the Creator of the Universe. I was thinking about how vast He is, how He created the moon and the stars, and how He created all the galaxies that we cannot see. Not just that, but how even though He created the Universe and all that is within it, He still loves and cares for us.

Psalm 8:3-4 says, “When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?”

I read somewhere that the universe is so vast that it would take 40 billion years to travel at the speed of light. 40 BILLION YEARS!!! I can’t even wrap my head around that. And to think that God placed every star in place by His fingers. God’s greatness is so far outside our limited thinking that we won’t ever truly be able to understand how magnificent and great He is! He is so much larger than anything we will ever know.

And it blows my mind that the God that created 40 billion years worth of galaxies and hand placed each star, wants a personal relationship with us and loves us enough to send His son to die on the cross for our sins.

And though we are sinful, though we are flawed, though we constantly fail Him, and though we place things before Him, He still wants that relationship and He still pursues us.

I don’t know about you, but when I think about all of this, I wonder how can we place anything before our God and how can we pursue worldly things before the Creator of the Universe. I guess it’s because of our natural sinful self. It’s because of the flesh and spiritual battle that takes place (and we let the flesh win).

But I am so thankful for His GRACE! We don’t deserve His mercy and grace, but oh am I so thankful that the Creator still wants a relationship with me even after I fall short.

So the next time we step outside and see the moon and the stars, let that serve as a reminder of how magnificent and great our God is! Let that remind us to put Him first. And let that serve as a reminder that even though we may feel insignificant and small, He still loves us and wants a relationship with us.

I might not ever be able to wrap my head around the vastness of His love, but I am so thankful that He does love us and that He does extend His grace. Because really, He is the only thing life is about. He is all that matters. If we have nothing, we still have Him.

 

 

detours.

Detours.

The funny thing about detours are that they are unexpected. They aren’t part of your original plan in getting somewhere. They are out of the way, and they are usually unfamiliar territory. But when you take a detour, you learn a new way. You learn something you’ve never known before. Detours aren’t wanted, but sometimes they are necessary.

Life is full of detours. I am currently in one of the biggest detours of my life. It’s a detour I never would have expected. It definitely wasn’t part of my life plan or my plan for the next year. But it’s here. I’m taking a path that I’m not used to. It’s unfamiliar territory.

What is my detour you might ask? I had to come home from Cambodia. Not forever, but for a while.

This wasn’t part of my plan going to Cambodia. Never in a million years did I think I would have to come home, but the matter of the fact is, I did have to come home. I came home for my grandmother’s funeral. But not only that, I am having to take care of some medical issues, here, before I head back across the world.

This isn’t what I wanted. It’s not wanted by any means, but I know it’s necessary. For a type-a personality like mine, it’s still hard to grasp on to this detour that wasn’t a part of my original plan. However, it’s a must.

I’m learning that in detours, comes growth. More growth is already taking place in my relationship with the Lord. Why? Because I have no choice but to trust Him every step of the way. I am having to take each day, one day at a time. I don’t know what tomorrow holds. I feel like I am playing a waiting game. So, I literally have no other option but to trust the Lord in what He’s doing. I just have to take the next step holding onto His hand.

I might not understand why this detour is taking place. But I do know WHO understands it. My Father in Heaven, the Alpha and the Omega, the Ultimate Guide, the Ultimate Physician, my Comfort, my Refuge—GOD understands it. He knows what He is doing, whether I do or not. He is FAITHFUL. He has brought me through 25 years of life, and I have seen His hand at work. That’s why I know His hand is in this. He is the Author of my life. He is writing my story. And He is writing YOUR story too!

Isaiah 55:8-9 says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

His ways are so much higher than ours! His plans are perfect. Ours are not. He knows the big picture. We see what’s right in front of us. He is sovereign in the midst of it all.

The Lord uses detours to grow us. He uses them to build our faith and trust in Him. He uses them so we can cling to Him more. He uses them so we can fall more in love with who He is! He is good. He is faithful.

when you can’t see the light.

I have almost hit my 4 week mark since I set out for Cambodia. And if I’m going to be completely honest with you (which I am), these have been the 4 hardest and darkest weeks of my life. I bet you were thinking that this would be some light-hearted blog about all the good and fun I’ve been having here. Yes, there has been good and there has been fun, but that’s not what this blog is about. I really wanted to wait and blog until I came out of this slump, but I feel like now is the perfect time to blog. I am going to be vulnerable with you here. That’s not always my strong point, but it’s needed. I want you to know the things I have been walking through, partly to encourage anyone that struggles the way I am, and partly because I need some prayer warriors.

Some of you might not know, and if you didn’t, now you do. I struggle with anxiety and depression. I have struggled with anxiety for most of my life, and I have struggled with depression for years. I have walked through many phases of both, but this phase has, by far, been the worst yet.

These past 4 weeks, I have struggled with anxiety and depression in ways that I never thought possible. These weeks have been the darkest weeks of my life. It’s like the joy in my life has slipped through my hands. I can’t seem to grip onto it. Each day is a struggle to complete because of my loss of joy.

Each day since I have left, I have had not one, but multiple breakdowns. Not just normal breakdowns, but breakdowns that leave me on the floor or flat on my bed. They are crippling, and I never quite recover from one to the next. I can’t seem to control them. They are unexpected but expected at the same time.

I am afraid to go to bed because of what the next day holds. I know when I wake up in the morning, it’s just going to start all over again. It’s like a bad dream on repeat. I never quite know how I am going to make it through my day, but I always do.

I feel as if I am trapped in my own body, drowning, alone, not able to take control, and not being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s terrifying feeling this way. I’ve started on medicine, started counseling, started exercising, have started making friends, and still, I am drowning.

I have realized (along with talking to others), that the baggage you deal with back at home is magnified on the mission field. I have to deal with my anxiety and depression, along with a whole new culture. I am dealing with that, while my world was just flipped upside down. The life and comforts that I was used to no longer exist while I am here. It seems as if I am sinking.

But I will tell you, the ONLY THING that is getting me through each day is JESUS. The only thing. I have had no other choice to lean on Him. He’s it. He IS what sustains me each day. I am learning to trust my Savior in a way that I never had to before. He is drawing me nearer to Him each day, and I am falling more in love with Him each day.

I might not see the light at the end of the tunnel, but Jesus does. He is the light in my darkness. I might not know where I am headed or what the greater purpose of this all is, but He does. And I pray. I pray that He does use this for His glory! I might not ever see the purpose of this on this side of eternity, but there has to be one. I have to trust that. I have to trust that in the midst of this storm, that Jesus is my anchor.

Since I have arrived to this country that is half way around the world from my home, the Lord keeps bringing up ‘refuge’ in scripture. He keeps reminding me that He is my Refuge and my strength. He is my hiding place. He is my comfort.

Part of Psalm 18 says, “The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take REFUGE, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold…In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.”

He hears me. My refuge hears me. He hears me when I am flat on my face or on my knees crying out to Him. He knows my struggle. He knows that I hurt and ache from head to toe. He knows the battle I am fighting. HE IS fighting that battle for me. I trust that God will free me from this. I don’t know when. I don’t know if it will happen here on this earth. But one day, I will be healed and free from this pain. Until then, I have to trust Him and grasp onto Him in this storm.

I hope and pray that this encourages someone today. I hope that if you feel the same way as I do, that you know JESUS IS THE LIGHT in the midst of your pain,in the midst of your darkness. He is guiding you and caring for you each step of the way. He is The Way. He is the Comforter. And He is our Refuge.

 

 

12 months.

12 months may not seem like a very long time, but more than any year before, I’ve realized this year just how fast time goes by. AND how much can happen in just 12 short months.

It’s crazy I tell you.

These past 12 months have been some of the best 12 months of life. These 12 months have been full of new adventures, new friendships, new growth, tears (and some heartache), and falling deeper in love with my Savior.

Today, my year-long internship at Kingsland Baptist Church comes to an end. This chapter has closed, and I’m stepping into a new one. Today is bittersweet. I am so sad to be leaving my Kingsland family, but I’m excited for what is next.

This year has been full of so many memories and new friendships. This year has given me the opportunity to go to India & Cambodia. It has given me the opportunity to work with refugees. It has given me the opportunity to work with ministries like Manna House and St. Cloud. It has given me the opportunity to serve the local community alongside our church body. It has given me opportunities that I will cherish for a lifetime. It has given me opportunities to grow in ways I never thought possible. And this year has given me new friends; friends, that I know, will last for a lifetime.

But more than any of that, this year, has given me more reason to fall deeper in love with my Savior. It has made me press into Him even more. It has made me lean and trust in His understanding and not mine. I have had to abandon my ways and trust in His ways. God continues to show His faithfulness over and over and over and over. He continues to provide! He continues to remind me, that He is in control and has me in the palm of His hands! This year, has allowed me to fall more in love with Him!

As I reflect back on these 12 months, I am overwhelmed by the love of God and the love my Kingsland family has shown me. As I reflect back on this year, I am overwhelmed with all that I have learned, but 3 things stick out to me.

#1 life goes by in a blink of an eye.

This year has reminded me just how fast life goes by. It has reminded me that I need to live each day to its fullest by glorifying God to the best of my ability. I need to wake up glorifying God, I need to glorify Him through the day, and I need to glorify Him as I go to sleep. People come in and out of our lives. We may meet people once, and never see them again, or we may know someone our entire life. So when they meet us, what do they see? Even if it’s for a short period of time, I want them to see Jesus in me and nothing else. Yes, I am human, and so are you. We are going to fall short, but we can pick right back up by God’s strength, and continue to glorify Him. We can glorify Him to our fullest.

Life will go by in a blink of an eye. We don’t know when our last day is, so let’s glorify Him every step of the way. Let people see Jesus in us, whether they see us from a distance or our entire life. Let Jesus be the One they see.

#2 the nations are here.

I have learned more than ever before that the nations are in our own backyard. A large part of this past year for me has been working with refugees. By working with them on a weekly basis, it has shown me that I don’t necessarily have to hop on a plane to work with the nations. They are here too. They are at our doorstep.

The Lord has really convicted me this past year. If you know me, you know my heart for international missions. You know that I have a heart to serve people groups overseas and to love on them. However, this year the Lord has really gotten a hold of me. He’s shown me that yes, I have a heart for overseas missions, but am I also serving the nations that are right here in my backyard? Do I love on the people around me the same way I would love on someone overseas? What am I doing with the nations right in my backyard? Not only serving the nations here, am I serving my friends and family the same way? People, whether here or overseas, need the love of Jesus.

#3 trust in God’s plan. trust in His timing.

This has been one of the hardest but most rewarding lessons to learn this past year. I think I have learned more about trust this year than any year before. And not just that, I think I’ve learned more about His timing this year. We might not always understand everything that is going on. We might not understand God’s plan. We might not understand His timing. But we have to trust it. He knows what He is doing far more than we do.

I have had to lean on Isaiah 55:8-9, “’For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord.9 ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.’”

God knows all. His timing is perfect. He is faithful. He is constant. He is loving. He is overall.

I praise God for who He is, and the opportunities He has given me this past year. I am beyond thankful for the opportunity to have worked at Kingsland Baptist Church, the people I worked with, and everyone else I came in contact with along the way. God is good. And He keeps showing me that over and over. Praise Him!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

y.o.l.o.

y.o.l.o.

You Only Live Once.

This has become a popular slogan for my generation.

But if you think about it, isn’t it true? You only have one life. That’s it. Yes, for Christians, you will live in eternity with Jesus, but you will only live on this earth once. No more.

So, let me ask you, how are you living your life? Are you getting the most out of your life? Or are you letting it waste away?

The other day I was throwing myself a pity party (I have them quite often, actually). I must admit, it wasn’t a pretty moment. I was wallowing in my singleness, while I get to watch everyone around me enjoy their relationships and marriages. As I was having this little party of mine, the words “you only live this life once” popped into my head. The Lord kicked me out of my party real fast.

Yes, I’m single. So what. What am I going to do with this stage in my life? Am I going to wallow in my self-pity and wait around for Mr. Right? Or, am I going to make the most out of this season I’m in?

Life is full of seasons. Life is full of waiting. You’re not always going to be in a season you like. But God has placed you there. So, are you going to just sit there and shake your fist at God, or are you going to get off your tail and serve God in the waiting?

There’s so much you can do in one season, that you can’t, necessarily, do in the next. I don’t know what season you’re in. I don’t know what pity party you might be throwing yourself. But at least for me, I know there is so much I can do with this season I’m in. For example, I can go serve in Cambodia for a year. I don’t have anything standing in my way. Nothing at all. I can focus on my relationship with the Lord during this season, without kids running around and a husband to attend to. I’m my own person. I can serve the Lord with nothing standing in my way.

I don’t want to get to the end of my life, and look back, and see all the times I let my pity parties consume me and hinder me from serving God. I don’t want to see all the times I let my life waste away because of being stagnate.

Yes, I’m going to have pity parties every once in awhile. I’m going to get discouraged with my season. I’m human. And so are you. But what are you going to do with those parties? Are you going to let them consume you or let them encourage you to do something with your season and what God has given you?

Don’t waste it because you’re in a season or time of your life you don’t want to be in. Use the time God has given you. You won’t get it back. Make the most out of your life. Because you only have one life to live.

You. Only. Live. Once.

the importance of rest.

Who knew that my surgery would teach me something. But God sure knew. In the past two weeks, since my surgery, He has shown me the importance of rest—not only physical rest but spiritual rest.

He has shown me that rest is a necessity in life. In Genesis 2:2, it says “By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work.” God did not NEED to rest, but He chose to because He knew the importance of it. He showed us the example of rest.

If you’re anything like me, you’re always go go go. It doesn’t matter what you have going on, you keep saying yes to all the activities going on. You don’t stop. Rest isn’t in your vocabulary. Even if you’re tired and worn out, you just keep going. You ignore rest.

God really convicted me about that last week. Two weeks ago, I had surgery on my knee. For a few days, I had to stay home and do nothing. I watched TV, did some work stuff from home, but I was becoming restless. By the time the weekend came along, I had events planned for Friday through Saturday night.

I wore myself out. I was up to the wee hours of the morning with muscle spasms and being sick to my stomach. I couldn’t get off the couch Sunday because of the way I was feeling. Monday morning came around and, I went back to work, but I was supposed to work an event on Monday night. This event was a once in a lifetime opportunity, but I had to make the decision—work the event and continue to wear myself out OR go home and rest.

God told me to rest. So I did.

That is when He reminded me of the importance of rest. That week I didn’t rest like I needed and, I crashed and burned with my muscle spasms.

Doesn’t that resemble life?!

We NEED to rest in His Word and to rest in His presence. We need to take time out of our busy schedules to give time to Him. Because, really, the schedules He has given to us and the life He has given to us is His, not ours. If we don’t take time to spend with Him, time to dive into His Word, time to pray to Him, we ARE going to crash and burn. Just like I crashed and burned, physically, we can crash and burn spiritually. When times get hard, when we are constantly on the go, when we can’t control our situations, we will fall because we are so spiritually dry. And, then, we will be even more susceptible to the attacks of the enemy.

He reminded me of Isaiah 40:28-31—“The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

As we wait on Him. As we are still in His presence. That’s when we receive our strength from Him. We WILL “grow tired and weary” and we WILL “stumble and fall” but by placing our rest in Him, we WILL have our strength renewed. It’s strength to move forward.

Not only has he reminded me about spiritual rest, but He has reminded me about the need for physical rest too. We can’t say yes to everything, and we can’t please everyone. If we do, we will run ourselves ragged. As hard as it is for me to say ‘no’, I am starting to see the importance of saying ‘no’ to some things. If we are constantly going and never stopping, when will we spend time with God? And when we find the time, we’ll be so exhausted that we might not get the full potential of our quiet time with Him. And if we are so exhausted, we won’t be at our full potential of living each day for God.

Matthew 11: 28 says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” He invites you and me to rest. He says come to Him, and He will give you rest. So why don’t we come to Him and rest?

So I ask you, are you resting? Are you taking time out to spend with Him? Are you giving your body rest? If not, I challenge you to reflect on how you can change that because time with Him is worth far more than any event you have planned and far more than your busy calendar.

Rest in Him.

 

 

 

 

 

the next chapter.

As many of you know, my internship at Kingsland Baptist Church ends the last day of May. That means I have been praying and thinking through what my next step is.

And the Lord has opened every door and made it clear to what is next. I am excited to say that…

I WILL BE MOVING TO CAMBODIA FOR 10 MONTHS!!

I am just a little excited, if you can’t tell! It has been so neat to look back and see how God has orchestrated things to get me to this point and how He has slowly allowed me to fall in love with Cambodia since DAY 1 of my internship.

I am in awe of God and who He is, and the way He has a perfect plan and unique plan for each of us. He is good. There’s no arguing that. I can’t believe my Heavenly Father is giving me the opportunity to go on this journey. I’m just blown away.

You might be thinking (well at least this is what I think you’re thinking…aka lies from the enemy), “Kelsey, you’re almost 25, you were just an intern, and now you’re going over seas? I thought you wanted to go to grad school? When are you going to start your career?” Now, I know most of you are probably not thinking that, but that’s what the enemy is telling me, so I’m going to go ahead and address it.

Let me start by saying, grad school is still on the table. I am studying for my GRE currently and plan on applying for the next cycle. Next, I am NEVER going to get this time back in my life. I am single, I haven’t officially started my career, and there is nothing holding me back. Why wouldn’t I jump at this opportunity? It will never come again.

Every door is wide open for me to jump on this opportunity, and I couldn’t be more excited. I am in love with the nations, and I can’t wait to go serve one of them for 10 months. God has made this so clear and evident for me. I almost feel that I don’t deserve this opportunity, but I’m thankful to God that He is allowing me to follow the passions that He has given me.

Yes, it’s going to be hard. I am going to be away from my family, I will have to learn a new language and a new city, and I will have to start over finding a new and different kind of community. Yet, God is going to be with me. He has never left me, and He never will. He will give me the strength to get through the days that I miss my family and friends. But I think of all that I am going to learn, and I’m ready to grow in the ways He has planned.

So I ask for prayer. I ask that you please be in prayer for me as I prep for this next chapter of my life. I ask that you pray for my heart and for my families, as well. And I ask that you pray against the enemy and the lies he will be throwing my way. His lies are not welcomed. Jesus has already overcome.

Matthew 28:19 tells us, “go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” That’s what I want to do. That’s what God has called me to do. He is calling me to the nation of Cambodia, and I know growth and lessons await me there.

[Just a few of the faces I fell in love with while in Cambodia]

 

 

 

 

 

 

city of joy.

City of Joy. Kolkata, India. The place that has part of my heart.

I think it’s funny that Kolkata’s nickname is the City of Joy. There is so much brokenness there—so much that it’s hard to process it all. Girls are being sold and trafficked. Girls are becoming child brides. There is abuse. There are children that have been sacrificed. They stand in lines to worship gods that aren’t the One True God. They live in poverty. It’s just kind of ironic that this is the City of Joy.

BUT if you met the kids and the women that we interacted with, you might not know the past they came from or the situations they are in. There were so many laughs it was beautiful.

These kids and women have been through so much, yet they still have joy on their faces. It’s unbelievable. I don’t think I will get past that. It brought me to tears seeing them laugh, be silly, and just have fun, despite their circumstances.

house church.
school.
slum village.

We worked with kids in a slum village, worked with girls that have been pulled out of the trade or decided to come out, and some that are still in the trade. YET, they still had joy. I was blown away by the smiles on their faces and their spunky personalities.

school.
school.

It makes you take a step back and take a step into their shoes. If you were to go through some of the things they have and are going through, would you have as much joy as they do? I would like to say without a doubt, “yes, I would,” but to be honest I don’t know. And when I think about that, it’s a little punch in the gut.

Especially as a Christian, knowing Who holds my life in His hands, I should be able to say YES, no questions asked! The creator of the universe loves me, and He has a unique plan for me. He knows my past, my present, and my future. So, why wouldn’t I be able to say “yes” without a doubt? Because my human insecurities and human flesh keep me from trusting Him 100% all the time.

And that right there tells you how much we really need Him. He is perfect, and we are not. We have a perfect, caring, and loving God. We can’t do this life on our own.

If my two weeks in India taught me anything, it’s how much we need a Savior. Doing this life on our own is simply impossible. We are broken. We are in need of a Savior to heal us. We are weak, but He is strong. He is so much greater than our hurts, our sorrows, our fears, and our doubts.

Isaiah 55:8-9 says, “’For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

His ways and thoughts are so much higher and greater than we can ever imagine. He knows us deeper than we know ourselves. We need Him. Despite our circumstances or fears, let Him be the joy in our lives.

Let’s be like the kids and women in the City of Joy. Let joy be all over our faces.

still.

Still.

This word, “still”, was my word of the year for 2015. As I reflect back on 2015 and this year, I want to share with you some of the things the Lord has taught me.

For a busy person like me, always on the go, “still” was not the easiest word to learn. And if I’m going to be honest, a year later after choosing the word, I still have not conquered it. Sometimes I even feel that I failed at learning it.

My theme verse for the year was Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God…”

It seemed that this verse popped up EVERYWHERE. I think the coolest story of this verse is when my mom gave me a necklace for graduation with the verse on it, and I had not even told her that “still” was my word for the next year. It was a confirmation from the Lord of my word! He’s in the smallest details of life. He is so good.

When looking at “still,” what does it mean? It means to let go, to release. “Be still and know that I am God…” Release and let God be control. Sit in His presence, knowing that He is God. He has your life in the palm of His hands. In our everyday life, it’s easy to lose sight of who He is. We try to go go go and to do things on our own. We forget that He knows what He is doing, and He has a divine plan for you and for me.

This past year has been full of many ups and downs. I’ve been in the valley, and I’ve been on top of the mountain.

For a quick overview of what this past year held for me: I transitioned from being a student to the real world. I was Campus Missionary at Houston Baptist University, I lost my grandpa who was my role model and hero, I won Miss HBU and a President’s Award, I led a team to Beach Reach, I got to be a chaperone on a mission trip to Jamaica, the Lord led me to be a missions intern at Kingsland Baptist Church, I was a chaperone on a mission trip to Arlington, I was in two weddings this summer, I got to attend a wedding in Costa Rica, my cousin got married, I was asked to be in two weddings for 2016, one of my best friends found out she is pregnant, I broke up with my boyfriend, I’m watching my grandma deal with Alzheimer’s in a nursing home, I have been dealing with several health issues, I would listen to so many lies from the enemy that I would slip back into my depression, I started working with a doctor to start a refugee clinic, I have been tutoring an Afghani family that I absolutely adore, I started babysitting for a family that welcomed me in with open arms, and through out the year I have met so many new people and friends it’s unbelievable.

This might have been more than you wanted to know, but God has taught me so much through all of this. I’m so overwhelmed with the opportunities that He has given me this past year, that it’s hard to believe He would let me do such things. He’s been teaching me to be still in knowing who He is. He knows my thoughts and my fears. He knows that sometimes I struggle with being single. He knows I want to have a family one day, so it’s hard to wait. He knows that I miss my grandpa every single day. He knows that I struggle with anxiety. And He knows who to put in my life, just at the right time.

I’m still learning to be still. It’s not easy to let go, but I have to remind myself that God knows best. He knows my future and where I’m going. He’s laying out my steps one by one. I might not understand what He is doing, but that’s okay, because He does.

This all leads me to my word for 2016, “wait.” This is a scary word to learn, but I can already see why the Lord has pointed me to this word. I’m a little worried but also excited for what I’m going to learn from the Lord in 2016. I just need to be still, and allow Him to be in control. I need to sit in His presence, knowing who He is.

So, I want to challenge you. Are you being still? What are your fears? What are you having a hard time letting go of? Are things so chaotic right now that you’ve lost sight of who is in control?

Take some time today and be still. Be still and release whatever you’re holding on to (I know it’s easier said than done, believe me). Give it to the One that is All-Knowing. Give it to the One who holds your future in His hands. And give it to the One that loves you constantly.

I pray that the year 2016 is the best one yet. I pray that the Lord teaches you and grows you. I pray that you fall more in love with the Savior of the World. And I pray that you let Him be in control. God bless.

you are loved.

You are loved.

Oh precious daughter of the King. Oh precious son of the King. You are loved.

Sometimes that may be hard to grasp, especially in our world today. And ESPECIALLY when the enemy has you blinded. I’ve been there. I’ve been in a place where the enemy has had me so badly blinded to the love around me, that it seemed like there was no hope. It didn’t even seem like Jesus could rescue me (even though I knew He could).

Let me back up a little.

Several years ago, I went through a really tough time in my life. I felt that I was worth absolutely nothing. I couldn’t look in the mirror. I absolutely hated what I saw. I felt that no one around me loved me. I was that girl in the midst of a crowd that felt lonelier than ever. I would just cry because I felt so lonely. I put on a good show. Not many knew I was feeling this way. They were there for me, yet I felt like I had no one. I even wondered, “If I wasn’t to exist anymore, would they even care?” And to be honest, I felt like they wouldn’t.

Feeling this way wasn’t due to anything or anyone around me. I was just so caught up and tangled in the lies of Satan that I couldn’t see a way out. And from this side of it, I can’t even tell you how I started to believe those lies, but he’s sneaky. I had to constantly remind myself of 2 Corinthians 10: 5, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

It was probably the darkest time of my life. Yet, I still clung on to Jesus. I didn’t know why I had to go through this. I didn’t know why I wasn’t feeling loved. But can I tell you something? I am SO glad I kept clinging onto Him. He delivered me! He pulled me out of the hole I was in. And I will forever be grateful for that. It wasn’t an overnight process, but He kept pursing me and loving me, and the scales on my eyes eventually gave way so I could see the love that He had for me.

Why did I go back to tell you that? Because I know what it is to feel like you’re unloved and not wanted. But why tell you now? Well, if I’m going to be honest, I still have moments (even in the last few weeks) of not feeling loved. But God is continually showing me that I am loved.

Being loved isn’t defined by whether I have a boyfriend or not. Being loved isn’t defined by how well I perform at something. Being loved isn’t defined by how many friends I have. It’s definitely not defined by how many Facebook friends I have or how many Instagram likes I get. It’s defined by CHRIST.

I am a child of God. I am loved by Christ. I have a Savior who lived a perfect life, yet still died on the cross for me AND for you. He LOVED us enough to take on our sin, and to rise again, so that we may live eternally with Him. He is still active and He is still moving. He is constant.

He loves us enough to have a unique plan for each of us. It’s all part of His greater plan. He is actively pursuing us and drawing us nearer to Him. He has a hope and a future for us. More than my words, allow the Word of God to speak to you.

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” –Jeremiah 29:11

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” –Psalm 139:13-14

“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” –Zephaniah 3:17

“But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-it is by grace you have been saved.”-Ephesians 2:4-5

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” –Romans 5:8

“Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” –Luke 12:7

You are loved. End of story. No matter where you are at. No matter what the world tells you. No matter the way you are feeling. No matter the lies the enemy is feeding you. YOU ARE LOVED.

Don’t ever forget that.

I can’t sit here and pretend to know what you are going through or the ways you are feeling, but I do know one thing for sure. You are worth more. The Savior of the world loves you more than you will ever know. He loves you enough to die for you. And He cares for you. You are valuable.

You. Are. Loved.