it’s not about the years but about the miles.

I recently had a friend tell me, “Kelsey, it’s not about the years on the car but about the miles.” Little did she know, I needed to hear this more than she knew. For years I have been struggling with having seen myself as a true former missionary. I always corrected saying “I lived overseas” with “well, I actually shouldn’t say ‘lived’ because I didn’t finish out my full term there.” 

My friend followed up with “you experienced more in your 6 weeks there than some do in 2 years.” If you know my story, you know this is true. If you don’t know my story, I will give you a little bit of a background. 

Here is an excerpt from my blog when I was on the field called “when you can’t see the light” to share about my experience.

“Some of you might not know, and if you didn’t, now you do. I struggle with anxiety and depression. I have struggled with anxiety for most of my life, and I have struggled with depression for years. I have walked through many phases of both, but this phase has, by far, been the worst yet.

These past 4 weeks, I have struggled with anxiety and depression in ways that I never thought possible. These weeks have been the darkest weeks of my life. It’s like the joy in my life has slipped through my hands. I can’t seem to grip onto it. Each day is a struggle to complete because of my loss of joy.

Each day since I have left, I have had not one, but multiple breakdowns. Not just normal breakdowns, but breakdowns that leave me on the floor or flat on my bed. They are crippling, and I never quite recover from one to the next. I can’t seem to control them. They are unexpected but expected at the same time.

I am afraid to go to bed because of what the next day holds. I know when I wake up in the morning, it’s just going to start all over again. It’s like a bad dream on repeat. I never quite know how I am going to make it through my day, but I always do.

I feel as if I am trapped in my own body, drowning, alone, not able to take control, and not being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s terrifying feeling this way. I’ve started on medicine, started counseling, started exercising, have started making friends, and still, I am drowning.

I have realized (along with talking to others), that the baggage you deal with back at home is magnified on the mission field. I have to deal with my anxiety and depression, along with a whole new culture. I am dealing with that, while my world was just flipped upside down. The life and comforts that I was used to no longer exist while I am here. It seems as if I am sinking.”

As you can see, my time on the field wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies. I picked up and moved with the intention to be there for a year, yet I had to come home 6 weeks in. I felt like a failure. I didn’t want to show my face. I thought I couldn’t be considered a true missionary because of leaving the field early. But this isn’t true. 

My experience was my experience and no one else’s. Your experience is no one else’s experience but your own. We can’t compare our situations to others. Just because what we walk through might not look like what others walk through doesn’t mean it’s not true for you and me. Our comparison of experiences can’t negate our feelings.

By my friend saying this, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders and immediately felt free from the burden and feelings of failure I had been feeling for years. I want this to be the same for you. If you have had an experience that you believe that you don’t get to own, I pray that you rebuke that and give it to the Lord.

Stop comparing what you have walked through to what you think others are walking through. Let yourself feel your feelings. Don’t let others take away your experience. That is something that no one can ever take away from you. Give your thoughts to the God who can handle all things and asks us to cast our burdens on Him. He can help you navigate whatever you are walking through. 

Allow what you have experienced to propel you into a deeper love and relationship with Christ. Let Him take your pain and suffering and use it to glorify Him today. I never thought that what I walked through on the field would lead me to the ministry I am doing today. Today I am caring for missionaries on the field. If I hadn’t experienced even 6 weeks of being on the field, I wouldn’t be able to empathize with our missionaries today. 

No matter how long or short your experience you’re coming to grips with, God can use it. I promise you that. He is faithful. He never lets anything go to waste. He won’t let pain or even victories go to waste. He has a plan for all. 

Today, if you’re wrestling with the idea of owning the seasons God has allowed you to go through, I pray that you give it to Him. Sit with Him. Talk with Him. Spend time in His word. Pray that He lets you see that season through His eyes. And tell others your story. Don’t be afraid to hide your seasons of life. And pray that God will use it for His Name to get the glory!

the one where God’s hand is evident.

Do you ever feel like you’re in the midst of a season where you don’t feel like God is moving in your life? BUT THEN you get to the otherside of the season and you see that God HAS BEEN MOVING the entire time — that He was writing your story and that His hand was clearly evident in the way things were orchestrated. 

There’s a song called “Waymaker” (some of the lyrics are below). These lyrics have summed up this past season I have been walking through, and I want to share with you why in hopes to encourage you.

“Even when I don’t see it, You’re working

Even when I don’t feel it, You’re working

You never stop, You never stop working”

Let me take you back to about two years ago. I had recently graduated from graduate school and was working for an organization. To make a long story short, I was not happy in that job. I felt that God had more for me. I felt my talents and gifts He had given me weren’t being used. I felt confused and wondered why God would put me in such a job (He obviously wanted me to learn something).

About 9 months into the job, I found out that I was being let go due to budgetary cuts. I immediately lost my health benefits (mind you I was walking through some major health issues at the time) and a constant source of income. I wasn’t sure how I was going to pay for my medical issues or how I was going to continue to live on my own.

Well, little did I know, God was working on my behalf behind the scenes. At that time (and I still am), part of a home group for Returned Global Workers. The Minister of Missionary Care knew I was looking for a job and he approached me about coming to work with him as the Missionary Care Associate. It sounded like an amazing opportunity but there was one catch — it was part time. What about benefits? How is that supposed to pay for a single woman living in Houston? But God gave me the peace and affirmed that I was to take the job. So, I did.

However, the question still remained. How was I supposed to afford housing? Again, little did I know there was an amazing coworker of mine that would soon open her house up to me. She has the Spirit of God on her life and said “yes” when God said for me to live with her. I have never been so thankful! She let someone she hardly knew move into her house and let me tell you…2020 was so much better because I got to know her. 

Then comes the health issues. I was having unresolved issues and wasn’t able to see doctors and get the tests done I needed. I simply couldn’t afford it. But by the grace of God, a couple of different times I anonymously received money to get those tests done. There is no way I could ever thank these friends and the way God worked through them in that time of need. 

Then COVID-19 hit. People were losing jobs and organizations were losing business. I started to doubt God and wondered how I would ever get a full-time job and benefits in the state of our country. I conveniently forgot that God works with the impossible.

God was moving and working when I couldn’t see it. About 11 months after I started, I got the news that they were making my position FULL TIME. What?! In the midst of what seemed impossible, God came through. He was moving and working, and I am still in awe of it. 

Because of my full-time job and now health benefits, I was able to get testing and procedures done to help find answers to some of my health problems. Because God was moving and working and because He worked when I didn’t feel like He was, I am on the road to answers and healing for my health. 

If God wasn’t already doing enough, He had even more in store than I could imagine. God was preparing me for something I didn’t even dream of. About 2 months after stepping into a full-time role, my boss (the Minister of Missionary Care) resigned and moved into a new chapter God is writing for him. Not knowing what would come next with the ministry, I was asked to step into the role and lead out Missionary Care at Houston’s First Baptist Church. Huh?! God, this is more than I even prayed for! How good is He?! He provides what you need and what He sees best even if you didn’t know to pray for it.

I’m not saying that this is going to be everyone’s story, but I hope this part of my story is an encouragement to you. If you’re in a season of the impossible and wondering if things are going to change, you better believe that God is moving and working. He is working when it doesn’t seem like He is. He is working in the quiet. He is working in the chaos. He is always up to something. It might not always look like what you think. It might not always come in the way you would like. It might not always come in your timing. However, I can promise He IS working. He sees the beginning and the end. He is always writing your story — every chapter, every word, every letter, and every punctuation mark. Trust Him. Wait on His timing — even if it’s hard and sometimes torturous. 

I challenge you to look back on your life and see where He was working. God’s hand is always evident in hindsight. Let your hindsight be a hope for the future. Let how God worked in your past give you peace that He is working and will continue to work. 

Remember God placed every star in the sky. He cares for every sparrow. If He does that, He definitely cares for you. He loves you more than you will ever grasp. He knows every hair on your head and every freckle on your skin. His ways are higher. He is working and moving even if you can’t feel it.

29 years.

29 years. One year away from 30.

I look back over these last 29 years and over this last year of life, and I’m not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. I’m not where I would like to be. I’m not where society says I should be at this time of my life. BUT, I’m where God wants me to be at this time in my life. I am at where He has called me and ordained my steps.

At this point in my life, I am not married. I don’t have kids. I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t even have any potential significant others. I don’t own my own home. I don’t have a full-time job. I haven’t paid off my student loans. I’m not using my master’s degree. I don’t have a dog to care for. I’m 29 years old. I’m not where I thought I would be at almost 30 years old.

It’s easy to get caught up in what I don’t have. It’s easy to look at everyone else’s life and compare my life to theirs. It’s easy to get on Instagram and Facebook and see that everyone else’s life is “perfect” and where they should be. But who says that at 29 years old you have to have X, Y, and Z and be a certain way? NO ONE. Society doesn’t get to do that to us. I won’t let it. The only one that gets to say where we get to be at my age is God – The Author of my Life.

It is easy to see life through a negative lens. If we aren’t careful, we will let that negative lens run our life. I forbid to let that happen in my life. I won’t let it run my life anymore. I am beyond guilty of being negative towards myself and my life. I am not going to let that be the case anymore. Instead of looking at what I don’t have or who I am not, I am choosing to look at who I am and who God has made me and where He has placed me.

So in honor of my 29th year of life, I want to remind ALL OF US of 29 things we are and have.

1. We are children of the Most High King.

2. We have a perfect Father that is writing our story.

3. Our sins have been wiped clean on the cross by Jesus 2000 years ago.

4. We are so loved that God sent His one and only Son to die for us.

5. We have been forgiven.

6. We have been chosen by the Creator of the Universe.

7. We are  accepted by Christ.

8. We have a heavenly Father that never gives up on us.

9. When we are overwhelmed by the darkness of this world, we can find the Light in Jesus.

10.  We have been redeemed by Christ.

11.  We are not forgotten by God.

12.  We are wanted and pursued by God.

13.  We have a friend in Jesus.

14.  We are God’s workmanship.

15.  We have been given grace by God.

16.  We were made in the image of the One True God.

17.  We are  beautiful in God’s eyes.

18.  We are delivered by God.

19.  We are heard by God.

20.  We are welcomed by God.

21.  We have everything we need in Him.

22.  We are guided and directed by the Holy Spirit.

23.  We have no need to be afraid or worried with Christ on our side.

24. God is our Protector.

25. We have a God that has our best interest in mind (even if we don’t understand it).

26. We are special in His eyes.

27. We are valued by God.

28. We have a purpose from God.

29. God made us the way He saw best and created us for such a time as this.

When I started this blog entry, I had a completely different perspective on life. A week ago, I was in a car accident. The paramedics said my family and I shouldn’t have walked out of the accident the way we did. This reaffirms numbers 1-29. God has a plan for my life (and for yours). He is our Protector. We have a purpose. He is the Author of our life. Nothing can thwart the plans of God. I am at where He wants me to. He allowed for my family and I to survive the car accident. He’s not done with me yet.

I might not be where I thought I would be at 29 years of life. BUT I am exactly where God wants me to be. He sees the beginning and the end of time. He sees the bigger picture. And I am just a blip on the timeline, yet God still loves me enough to set my paths straight. 

I want to encourage YOU. You might not be where you thought you would be or where you want to be. However, you have a God that loves, cares, and writes your story as He sees the beginning, present, and end. He knows what He is doing (even when we question it). He has not forgotten about you. You are so loved by the Creator of the Universe. 

2020 vision.

2019 has come and gone! It wasn’t an easy year by any means. There was a lot of heartache, health issues, personal demons to battle, and loss. But it was also a year of tremendous growth. Through the valleys of this year, God brought me to the mountain tops. I had breakthroughs, lessons learned, truth spoken to me, and prayers answered. 

As I reflect on 2019, I can’t help but think of the year we just entered…2020! (It’s crazy to think we are in a new decade) I can’t help but to think of the things I want to do this year or the things I want to learn. I want this year to be a year of rest. If anything, 2019 has taught me that I am not as invincible as I thought I was. I can’t say “yes” to everything and I can’t do everything. My human body gets worn out easily. I want 2020 to be a year where I prioritize and listen to the Holy Spirit on what I say “yes” to. With all that said, here is a list of 20 things (in no particular order) I want to accomplish/learn in the year of 2020: 

  1. Spend more time with the Lord.
  2. Pray more boldly and expectantly.
  3. Meditate and memorize more scripture.
  4. Learn what it truly means to REST in the Lord.
  5. Deepen my trust in the Lord…in the highs AND the lows.
  6. Learn that it is okay not to say “yes” to everything and to be okay with that decision.
  7. Continue to build deeper relationships with my friends.
  8. Stand more confidently in who God made me to be.
  9. Learn to be okay when I can’t please everyone.
  10. Be more bold in sharing the Gospel with those I come in contact with.
  11. Learn to listen more to the Holy Spirit and to discern God’s voice.
  12. Continue to work on my personal demons with the help of the Lord.
  13. Grow in knowing that friendship looks differently as an adult — it’s not about the quantity of friends but about the quality of those friendships.
  14. Be more intentional — reach out more, listen more, and pray for my friends more.
  15. Become more patient in the waiting.
  16. Relish the season I am in.
  17. Be more present where I am at.
  18. Continue to fix my eyes on Jesus.
  19. Find joy in the suffering.
  20. Keep learning what it means to keep my thoughts captive.

My prayer and hope for 2020 is that this will be a year of continual growth in the Lord, being shaped and molded more into Christ’s likeness, and a year of rejuvenation. Have you thought about what you want 2020 to hold for you? If you have, I encourage you to share them with a friend. Have a friend keep you accountable in your goals. If you don’t have anyone to share them with, I would love for you to share them with me. If you haven’t thought about it, then I encourage you to pray and seek the Lord on what He wants for you in 2020. And then, I encourage you to write them down. It doesn’t have to be on something fancy, but can even be on the note section of your phone. By the end of 2020, you can look back and see all that the Lord did in this past year. 

Let 2020 be the year we press into the Lord more. Let 2020 be the year we stop listening to the lies of the enemy and listen to the voice of God instead. And let 2020 be the year that we live in true obedience to the One who created us.

Happy New Year, friends!

when the trials keep coming.

Do you ever feel like when it rains it pours? Have you ever felt that trial after trial keeps coming your way? Just when you think the trials are subsiding, another one smacks you in the face! If you’ve been there, I feel your pain. I am currently in that spot.

These last few months have been a heck of a ride. Between an emergency kidney stone surgery (while on vacation at Disney World, I might add) to another surgery that is taking much longer to heal from than I thought to another kidney stone to a five-day stomach bug to learning that I am getting let-go and losing my job to my own inner struggles, it has been one hit after another.

I am not telling you this because I want you to feel sorry for me. I am telling you this to remind you that you are not alone in feeling like the trials are never going to end. I am also here to tell you that God is doing something in the midst of all the trials. He hasn’t left your side (even if you feel that He has). He actually tends to do the most work within the trials.

I have recently been reminded that I am not the author of my story. That God is the author of my story. As much as I don’t want to admit (my Type-A personality is speaking), I am not in control of my life. Yes, I have decisions to make, moves to make, and have to deal with the consequences of certain actions, I am not the one that ordains my steps. God does. I am needing to learn to trust God when He is writing my story. He knows what He is doing. He’s been doing it for a long time. I need to learn to hand Him the pen and let Him write it without me trying to control His actions (because that is going to get me nowhere).

God can do amazing things through trials. He shapes us and molds us through them. Romans 5:3-4, states that “suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” I like how one commentator, David Guzik, talks about these verses. He says “this is a golden chain of Christian growth and maturity. One virtue builds upon another as we grow in the pattern of Jesus.” We, as humans, tend to desire character and hope. However, Paul is saying that those won’t develop without going through trials.

Not only do trials and tribulations build our perseverance, character, and hope, they increase our faith and dependency on the Lord. God allows our trials to occur because it builds our spiritual growth if we allow it to. When I think of this, I think of Paul’s thorn in 2 Corinthians 12. Paul pleaded three times that God would take away the thorn, the torment. However, in verse 9, God says “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” God could have easily taken away Paul’s thorn, but He didn’t. God, instead, extended His sufficient grace to Paul. David Guzik puts it this way: “instead of taking away the thorn, God strengthened Paul under it, and God would show His strength through Paul’s apparent weakness.” Paul didn’t have a choice but to lean on God in the trials. Through his dependence on God, he was made stronger than if he was to have looked to himself for dependence.

God purifies and refines us, just as gold is refined in a fire. Gold is refined in high degree fires, removing impurities until the goldsmith’s reflection is seen. This is just as God refines us. We walk through fire (our trials) to remove any impurities (sin) to where we can see God’s reflection in ourselves (becoming more like Him).

If you think about it, at the end of the day, trials are a good thing. They might not present themselves that way, though. It is okay to say that the trial is hard, that it sucks, or that you don’t understand the reasoning. It is okay not to always be okay. We don’t have to have it all together. We aren’t perfect, but the One who is perfect can hold us together. This is why we can “count it all joy” (James 1:2-4) in any and every situation. There is joy because our character is being molded, and we are becoming more like Christ. There is joy because there is purpose in our suffering. We don’t have to have a smile on our face the entire time we are walking through hardship, but we can smile knowing that we are going to be stronger because of the hardship. And we can smile because we know that God has us in the palm of His hands as He molds us to become more like Him.

the unmet desire.

Hello World,

It’s been awhile since I’ve been on here. A little over a year to be exact. I could make excuses as to why I haven’t, but I’m not going to.

A lot has happened since the last time I’ve talked with you. I finished my graduate degree at the University of Notre Dame with my Master’s in Global Health (so half of my year was consumed with classes and writing my thesis). I traveled to Nepal for six weeks to do a Public Health Internship. My beloved Coco (aka my grandma) went to be in the arms of Jesus. I started a new job in Disaster Relief and so much more in between.

The Lord has taught me soooo much in the last year. There’s no way I can begin to explain all that He has done (unless you want me to write another thesis LOL). But I am going to talk about what He has been teaching me in the last few weeks (or months).

Have you ever had something in your life that you so badly desire but God has not fulfilled it yet? What do you do with that unmet desire? Do you sit in it, wallowing in self-pity? Do you argue with God on why He has not fulfilled that desire? Do you throw temper-tantrums when no one is around? Or maybe you even get bitter or snap at the people around you that seem like they have what you want?

OR do you take that unmet desire and give it to God? Do you allow that unmet desire to bring you closer to God rather than push you away? Do listen to what God has to say in the period of waiting instead of trying to rush through it? Do you thank God for the season He has you in because He knows what He is doing?

I would like to sit here and say that I do the latter. I would like to say that I am always joyful and rejoice in the circumstances of the unmet desire because according to scripture, 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” But if I said that, I would straight up be lying to you.

Currently, I have some big unmet desires in my life. And if I am going to be honest, I have done all of the above: wallow in my self-pity, argue with God, throw temper-tantrums (some of these might have actually been around people), and I have even gotten bitter towards people that seem to have what I want.

However, God has recently lovingly and gently told me to knock it off and sit in what He has for me. He’s told me to get out of my pit that I have created for myself. He has whispered truths to me that He wants me to learn. So here are some things he wants me to learn (and I hope you can learn from them too):

Keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and the rest will fall into place. He has reminded me to keep my eyes on Him. He will guide me to where He wants me and for what is best. He truly knows what is best. Yes, I try to insert my own opinions on what I think would be best. However, that simply is not true. God see the bigger picture. We do not. He knows us so much better than we know ourselves. He knows how He wants to use us. So if we keep our eyes fixated on Him and who He is, we will learn more of how magnificent He is, fall more in love with Him, and follow the will He has for us.

Steward the season that I am in. One of my biggest fears is to get to the end of my life (or season) and realize that I have wasted it. And if I sit in my pity or throw tantrums on why I don’t have something, then that is exactly the path I am headed down. In His grace, God has reminded me that He has put me in this season (or not granted me my desire) for a reason. There are pros and cons to every season. I don’t want to live in the cons but live in the pros. So why not use this time that God has given me? If God is faithful and sovereign (which He is) then there is obviously a reason my desire has not been fulfilled. So instead of pouting, I need to stand up and act. I need to act in this season God had given to me and do what He has called me to do. Whether that is pouring into more people, going out to eat with people, have Bible studies, taking a class to learn more about a certain topic, getting involved in what I am passionate about, I need to go and act. I don’t want to be stagnate but to be moving forward in His will.

Stop looking so far into the future that I miss what God has for me now. This could, technically, go hand in hand with the last point. But it is so easy to look far into the future for what God has next. Whether it is a husband (or wife), children, being empty-nesters again, grandchildren, better health, a better job, or whatever else it may be, it’s so easy to get fixated on wanting that. Let me preface this by saying, that I think it is great to dream of things and explore the desires God has given you. However, the problem enters when I get so fixated on wanting that one thing, that it becomes an idol (replaces God) or I miss out on why God has me where I am at. God is so kind because He has reminded me to, yes, explore the desire He has given me but stop placing that before Him. Stop being fixated on that to where I miss out on what He wants me to learn and do with the time He has given me now. This brings me back to the last two points. Instead of being so fixated on my desire, be fixated on Jesus and steward the season that I am in.

God is good y’all. There is no doubt about that. He is faithful. He is true. I don’t know where you are at in life. I don’t know what your desires are. But God DOES know. He knows exactly where you’re at. If He knows the number of hairs on your head, He definitely knows your wants and desires.

So today, I challenge you. Submit those desires to God. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus. Steward the season you are in. Don’t miss out on what God has for you NOW. I pray for you and me as we navigate this. If you have questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I would love to be able to come along side you as you (and I) navigate this thing called life!

why.

why.

The question “WHY?” has been coming up a lot these last few weeks. Questions on why I want to be a leader, why I want to be the person that I am, and why am I doing what I am doing.

I’ve given this a lot of thought lately. But as I have given this thought, I have realized the answer is simple.

Jesus Christ is why.

He is the whole reason I live and breathe. He is the reason I do what I do. He is the reason I want to go into the field of Global Health. He is the reason why I want to serve the least of these. He is the reason I keep pushing forward when times get tough or I have mundane tasks to do. He is why.

God calls us to be the hands and feet of Jesus. God has called us to do His work on His behalf. One of my favorite verses is Ephesians 2:10, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” When I look at this verse, I am reminded to do good works—good works that Jesus Christ would do. We were made in His image, and I want to reflect that the best I can. I want to do the work He would do if He was still walking this earth.

The question of why has been coming up all over the place. It has come in church, in meetings, in conversations, and it also came up in class. Last week, in my leadership class, we were asked what kind of person and leader we want to be known as and why. We had to reflect on our inner self and find the why. But again, that answer was easy to me. As I said in my reflection paper last week:

“I want to be known as a follower of Christ. When people look at me and see me, I want them to see Christ through me. I want His light to shine through me. I want them to see that I strive to follow Christ and to serve Him the best I can in all that I do. I want to be known as a person that loves people and has compassion on all people, no matter who they are. I want to show equality to all people no matter their background, race, religion, or their morals. I want to show the love and compassion of Christ to all people, no matter how they treat me. Luke 6:27-28 says, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” That is just what I want to do. I want to love the ones that mistreat me and hurt me, just the same as those who help me. As hard as it may be, I want to be known as a person that prays for those that mistreat me and bless those that treat me wrong. I want to be known as a lover of all people. I want people to see that the core of who I am is Jesus Christ, and He is the reason I do what I do. He is the reason that I work hard on mundane tasks, the reason that I love when it is hard to love, and the reason that I put my best foot forward.”

I say all this to challenge you. I challenge you to find your why. Why do you do what you do? Why do you wake up in the morning? Why do you push through the tough times? And why do you celebrate in the good times?

I challenge you to take some time this week and to search yourself. Find your why. Not only find your why, but reach out to share with someone your why. Maybe you can encourage someone with your why this week.

I pray for you as you seek to find you why and find why you do what you do. I pray that you encourage someone and can speak wisdom into someone’s life this week. I pray that your why encourages someone to find their why.

season of change.

It seems as if the last 2.5 years have been a constant season of change for me. It seems that God keeps picking up my roots, moves me to a place, lets me get settled, and picks me right back up again. In the last 2.5 years, I have been Campus Missionary Intern at Houston Baptist University, Missions Intern at Kingsland Baptist Church, a Homeschool teacher in Cambodia, and a member of the Guest Support Ministry Staff at the Star of Hope.

And God isn’t done with this season yet. He is once again, picking me up, and placing me completely and totally out of my comfort zone. This time, He is moving me to South Bend, Indiana, to purse a Master of Science in Global Health degree at the University of Notre Dame.

With all this change, comes learning curves and growth. Let me share a few with you.

#1 Change is hard, and that’s okay

The thing with change is that you’re always being taken out of your comfort zone. You’re stepping out from what you’ve grown used to and moving into the unknown. And that’s hard. It’s not always meant to be easy. And God didn’t always say life and transition was going to be easy. It might be hard, but God knows what He is doing. He knows why He is taking you out of your comfort zone and moving you to a new season. His hand is in every detail, and that’s why it is okay. I read a quote somewhere that said, “Change is hard at first, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end.” And that couldn’t be more true. Change is hard because you’re stepping into the unknown. It’s messy because you’re trying to figure out this new season you’re in. And it’s gorgeous because of the person you have become at the end of it.

#2 Change brings dependence on God

Life isn’t easy. Change isn’t easy, and when we walk into the unknown, we don’t have a choice but to lean and trust on God. When stepping into the known, you’re stepping into the abyss. You don’t know what’s there. You don’t know what it holds. You don’t know who is in the unknown. You’re walking into something completely new. And because you’re walking into something new, you must depend on God. You must depend on Him to guide you, to be your friend, to be your companion, and to be your Father. It’s a time for complete and utter dependence on Christ.

#3 With change, comes growth

With seasons of change, can come new community. For me, these last few years, I have built community, picked up and moved, and had to build community again. I am currently building community, but I know come August I will once again have to start over. Change in community is scary. Change in anything can be scary. That brings dependence on God but then it brings growth. We are being refined in change. We are learning in change. And that all brings growth. If we have an open heart to the change and depend on God, then we will grow in our relationship with Him. We will see that He is overall. We will see that He knows what He is doing when we don’t understand. And we will see that He is Sovereign and all of that will bring growth in our relationship with Him.

Change is hard, and that’s okay, but if you allow it to, it will bring dependence and growth in Jesus Christ. And that will make the season of change so worth it. It will make the hard days worth it. And it will make the whole experience worth it.

 

 

 

 

 

why i don’t have a boyfriend.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” and “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

I am asked these questions way too often for my liking. Even this week I joked around that if I was asked these questions one more time, I would scream (I’m joking but still). But to put it simply, ‘No’ and ‘God hasn’t placed one in my life yet. It’s, simply, not my time.’

When I think about these questions, there are a few things that come to mind…

i am enough.

For the longest time, I thought that I didn’t have a boyfriend or get asked out on dates because I wasn’t worthy enough or because I wasn’t beautiful or skinny enough. I thought that I didn’t have it all together, so I needed to get it together. I thought, “What is wrong with me?” I thought I wasn’t good enough to be in a relationship. But what I’ve learned is that it’s all a lie from the devil. The reason I don’t have a boyfriend is because it’s not in God’s plan for my life in this season. It’s not because I’m not good enough or beautiful enough. It’s because it’s not in His timing.

The same goes for you. You might be in the same season as me…single. But I don’t want you to be discouraged when you’re asked these questions or when it seems like everyone around you is in a relationship. It’s not your timing. You are worthy to be in a relationship. You are beautiful enough. You don’t have to change just to get a guy. God does have your best interest at heart. He hasn’t forgotten about you. He knew your life before time began. So you better believe He is still writing that story out.

And if you ever start to doubt that, refer back to part of Psalm 139 (vs. 13-14)

For you created my inmost being;

You knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

His works are wonderful. That’s YOU. You are His masterpiece. He cares and He loves. And He is working all things out. Just be patient (I’m preaching to the choir here LOL). He is in control.

i have to trust.

I’ve really been convicted, lately. The Lord has revealed to me that I am placing a limit on Him. I have put the power of God in a box, and I have limited His power to my human thinking. He’s showed me that I am lacking in my trust of him. I don’t have complete and total trust that He can bring me a husband, especially one to my standards. But that’s a lie from the devil too.

Psalm 8:3 says, “When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place.”

If God can place the moon and stars into place with just the work of his fingers, He can sure bring me (and you) a husband. If you are called to marriage one day, He will place the right guy, in the right place, at the right time. You can bet on that.

don’t pity me.

To my friends in relationships. When you ask me questions like, “why don’t you have a boyfriend?” or “Do you have a boyfriend?” and my answer is ‘no,’ please don’t pity me.

It’s not a good feeling. You know why? It’s not all that bad being single, and it’s a gift God has given me. I don’t want to think anything else.

Marriage is a gift. Singleness is gift. One is not less than the other. Marriage has its challenges. Singleness has its challenges. One is not perfect over the other. Marriage can bring you joy. Singleness can bring you joy. One does not make you more joyful over the other.

So don’t feel sorry for me. I want to live in the truth that God has me single for a reason and that he can use me whether I am in a relationship or not.

And you know what? If God’s plan for my future doesn’t have marriage in store, He is still good and He is still sovereign. He is still my Father. He is still perfect.

God has a plan for you. God has a plan for me. God’s timing is perfect. Be sure of that.

wait.

wait.

The definition of wait: stay where one is or delay action until a particular time or until something else happens; used to indicate that one is eagerly impatient to do something or for something to happen; to stay in a place until an expected event happens, until someone arrives, until it is your turn to do something etc.

“Wait” was my word for the year of 2016 (and yes, I know I’m extremely late to posting this). When I felt the Lord telling me what my word was, I had no idea all of the lessons He was going to teach me this past year and that He could teach me (but usually that’s the case, isn’t it?). It was all outside of my limited knowledge, but the Lord knew exactly what I needed.

This year was FULL of waiting! When choosing this word, I thought the Lord was telling me to pick it, in order to learn to wait and be patient when waiting for Mr. Right to come along. I will say Mr. Right did not show up this year, but I learned to wait in so many other ways, I didn’t even think possible. And I’m thankful for that.

Here’s a list of some of the things I waited for:

  1. Mr. Right
  2. Healing of my anxiety
  3. Healing for my grandma
  4. Healing for my grandpa’s cancer
  5. An answer about whether I was supposed to go to Cambodia or not
  6. Funds for my Cambodia trip to come in
  7. An answer on whether I was supposed to come home from Cambodia or not
  8. Strength and energy to be restored during my depression

These are a just a few of the things I waited for. The Lord brought some of these to fruition, and some He did not.

Whether I got what I was waiting for or not, I learned and grew in what “wait” means. I learned that that waiting is not always easy but it’s a necessity. God grows you in the waiting. It’s an essential in our spiritual walk. Waiting builds perseverance, builds patience, builds trust, builds dependence, and builds our character. And to be honest, I’m still learning all of this.

Psalm 27:14 says, “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”

So what does this mean? There is a need to trust God. His timing is perfect. He is working constantly, even in the silence. His wisdom and plans are so outside of our limited circle of knowledge. We can’t expect to know what He is doing 24/7, but I can promise you He is moving and working on your behalf because He is FAITHFUL.

He loves you. He has a plan. That I promise you.

I don’t know where you are at, and what you are waiting on at this moment. It could be for a husband or wife, for a family member’s salvation, a baby, a sickness to be healed or anything in between. But I can tell you one thing, God knows. He knows your wants. He knows your desires. He’s working everything out. I promise.

This year has been full of waiting and lessons that I am so very thankful for. I can’t wait to see what the Lord has this coming year as I walk through the word “refuge.”

I want to leave you with a song by John Waller. This song has been one of my theme songs this year, and I hope it blesses you, like it blessed me.

“I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord”